17 Feb

Time takes on a weird quality when you're living with an invisible chronic illness. I mean on the one hand it seems like there's endless amounts of it. Your life has slowed down, a snail would beat you in a race hands down... if it had any hands. In some cases it has stopped, your life has been shown the red card. On the other hand, when you look at the calendar, days rush past, months fly by, measured by events that you are no longer part of. Sometimes you think, I haven't seen or heard from that person in ages, when it's only been a few days. It's CIT  (Chronic Illness Time)  where an hour is equivalent to five in your mind. 

I never  had to really think about time before I became ill, apart from there never seemed to be enough of it. Everything was prescribed. When I woke up, when I went to sleep, leisure time, all dictated by work. As a professional musician,  rehearsals, practice, learning, performances were the markers of my life. Everything circulated around that. Now my body's in charge, it dictates, and I have no say. I've had to adjust to living in the moment, living in the now. Frankly, it's too scary to live any other way, to look too far into the future. What do you think? I'd love to hear from you. Drop me a line on here.   'Liberty Jones.' 


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